Bees'll buzz, kids'll blow dandelion fuzz & I'll be doing whatever nerds do in summer................sit on my ass in cinema screening rooms. It doesn't look like there'll be a lot this month will have to offer, but for the one month that always excites me, it better have a few eye catchers up its sleeve. As always, I won't be mentioning the 2017 leftovers (The Breadwinner looks amazing by the way) & let's dive right in, starting with:
Hhhhhm, a comedy with a subject matter on appearances. This could actually be pretty good. Sure, the jokes didn't make me laugh, but I think there's potential here. However, I don't see how an exercise bike accident will make someone "hot" in the process. Maybe there's a corny, predictable message here. This film may be in the wait-&-see category, but there's a pretty high chance that I might enjoy it.
Ok, two questions:
A) who was asking for a sequel to Gnomeo & Juliet? It wasn't very good, but it served its purpose.
B) why have they shifted from Shakespeare to Conan Doyle? This decision doesn't make any sense to me. If I were in charge of such a project, I'd go for a garden gnome Titus Andonicus. They're made out of breakable ceramic, it could work a whole lot better than what we actually have.
You know, this thriller actually looks pretty good. The trailers have successfully captured a sense of suspense that could genuinely result in goosebumps. However, I don't quite know what the plot is about. There seems to be a hacking concept (just like Ghost In The Shell) & there's undercover work, but that's all I know at the moment. Oh well, at least there's something to be mildly excited for.
Another day, another Melissa McCarthy comedy. This movie looks like it's got the same old college jokes, except this time, it's relying on a gimmick that McCarthy's character is older than the other students. This film looks harmless enough, but I won't be watching it in a huge hurry.
Now it's time for another Taken-esque picture, with a bit of mom power. From the way I see things, this movie could be good or bad. It's promising to be a tense thriller, but can it be more than generic? Who knows? Guess I'll just have to wait & see.
After the sleeper hit known as A Quiet Place, how can any other horror movie top it? This particular inclusion to the genre is using true events to sell its unusual concept. The trailers have had a pretty effective creep factor, so there is a high chance that this might be good. All it's got to do now is to not disappoint.
A comedy about motherhood...I smell themes. The jokes may not be funny, but this film still looks incredible. It looks like it's capturing a sense of motherhood that's as naturally realistic as The Florida Project. I hope this film succeeds because I smell a future classic.
Now it's time for the first Netflix movie of the month. What we get here is something that Italy has to offer & without subtitles, I can't have clear expectations. So I've got no choice but to put this as a wait-&-see expectation. I hope it's good because I do like hunting for hidden international gems.
Despite the horrific true story, there's nothing about this film I can consider exciting. The trailer has done nothing but give me generic vibes & my wait-&-see criteria won't be enough to get me interested. I'm sorry, but it looks like this film will be a miss.
Here's another Netflix movie & to be honest, I have no idea if this teen comedy will be good because it's not making me cringe, but I don't know if it'll be good. So I guess this'll be another wait & see case scenario.
Ok...........I bet we all knew that the idea of superhero high school with every DC character would bite them in the butt. Personally, I don't see why this film has to be told in Lego & I haven't seen anything that DC Superhero Girls has to offer, so I hope that this film will appeal to its fans. All I do know is that a separate high school for super villains was inevitable.
Another day, another true story & despite the fact that the trailer I watched had no subtitles, this film actually looks pretty good. Granted, it's mainly because the trailer was stylish, but I genuinely want to know what this film will offer & where it will go. If I found the chance (because it's not easy finding international cinema releases), I'd probably go watch it.
Although I had no idea what was going on without subtitles, I think I can see potential here. The trailer looked like it was going for a whimsical tone, but the drama on display looks deadly serious. Even though I'm not extremely excited, I think I'll give this film a chance.....if the world lets me.
Seriously, why do I have the rotten luck of watching foreign trailers without subtitles? Oh well, this roamance looks like it could be fun to watch, but I'm not expecting anything special. Looks like it once again has to be a wait-&-see scenario (I'm starting to get sick of these).
Personally, Pureflix is an alien territory for me when it comes to filmmaking, so all I'm seeing is Christianity propaganda. I don't mean to be rude, but I don't think I can take it seriously as a thriller if it's going to continuously hammer in how important God is to the world. Overall, I'm probably not going to watch it, but since it's made for a Christian audience, I'll let them watch it to see if it's good or not.
Would you look at that, another Netflix movie. Honestly, the jokes aren't funny & this looks like yet another crude, rioutus vacation movie. If you like that sort of stuff, go ahead, but only endearing characters can make this cliché work (both Inbetweeners movies are proof).
Just when I thought the world was safe, Raja Gosnell returns to infect the gullible minds of children once again. This movie just looks dreadful in every sense of the word. The jokes are obnoxious, the casting makes me feel embarrassed & the special effects are so obviously fake, I bet even kids will notice it. Just don't see this movie, it's not worth everybody's time.
Hooray, a Star Wars movie in May. Shame I feel cautiously optimistic. It's had a lot of trouble with directors & the trailers lack the artistic impact of the previous theee films. But an intergalactic space heist could actually work, & the second trailer did get me excited a little bit. Hopefully, this will turn out good because I don't want another strike from the toxic side of the fanbase.
Now it's time for my most anticipated film of the month & it's no surprise that the brilliantly marketed Deadpool sequel takes that spot. The trailers have repeated the predecessor's top notch ad campaign, the plot (the real one, not what's on IMDb) makes me genuinely intrigued & it looks fun as hell. You can guarantee that I will see this movie the minute it comes out. Time to make the Chimi-fucking-changas!!!
So that's all I have to say about the releases during May 2018. The amount of wait-&-see case scenarios are worrying, but at least I found a few stuff to look forward to, in a particular order:
The Strangers: Prey At Night
I Feel Pretty
Anyway, join me next time when we will witness the last days of Oscar Wilde, state troopers screwing up, a couple surviving a hurricane, cartels fighting an anti-drug war, a child inheriting a scary gene & a Dinosaur rescue-op going horribly wrong.